"They say you can’t see the forest when you’re there among the trees. They say it takes a separation to find some kind of clarity."
Griffen House- "Liberty Line"
I’ve sat down and began to write this post about a half dozen times over the past couple weeks, but until now I have not been able to finish. I was sitting back, waiting for some clarity and some definitive knowledge before I wrote this post to have something meaningful to write about. Now, Three weeks into the JVC year and one week into my new job, I find myself still waiting for some, if not a lot of clarity for the year ahead.
In my opinion, this lack of clarity is equal parts frustrating and good for me. The terror that I felt and mentioned when thinking about (and writing about) my upcoming JVC year a month and a half ago still exists in some sense, but it has morphed. I no longer consider myself to have a fear of this unknown, unfamiliar thing that is JVC. But, instead I now have begun to view this time as an opportunity to see what is out there, explore new things, and to learn valuable lessons about myself and the world around me. This is a relatively big step and shift for me coming from a very recent time in my life in Washington, DC. I was essentially approaching my life very methodically and excessively planning and micromanaging most of my time to attempt to maximize my potential output. (I feel like I am back in economics class writing that last sentence) In other words, for much of this past summer I felt as if I were going through the motions of life without really living it. It is sad but true. Be it at work, commuting, planning nights out, or hanging out with friends, I feel like during that time my approach to life was focused largely towards efficiency and total rationality. I was holding on too tightly to myself and being too serious, and that led to an unhealthy and not the most fun or happy time for me. Granted, I do not want to loosen my grip and stop planning and managing too much either because that would lead to disorganization, a lack of being on top of things, and less rational thinking- the other, equally unhealthy side of the spectrum. So, this year I need to work on finding that balance that culminates with being on top of things and loose enough to be able to roll with things as they come up and deal with an unknown. This JVC year is designed to strengthen my life through four values, one of these being spirituality. I understand spirituality to be a deeper understanding of one’s self, and right now, I think that relinquishing a little control will help me to deepen my spirituality.
Living in Saint Louis will definitely help in this regard. The way of life and culture here are far different from that of Washington DC. DC is hands on, fast-paced with everyone moving from one thing to another so quickly. The lifestyle and culture is real, heavy, and dominated by efficiency, output, politics, and both how to achieve and preserve power. Don’t get me wrong I love DC. I love that culture, lifestyle,city, and all that it stands for. I love it to the point that I let it mold my personality and thought process so that I thought that it set the example as the way to live life. But yet, I think this year of living in a much more laid-back, wholesome environment will expose me to more than one way of life. Hopefully I can take the best parts of both Washington, DC and Saint Louis and mold them together to establish a way of life that best suits me.
It is strange and funny to have a sort of homecoming and be living back in the Midwest in Saint Louis. The strangest part of moving from DC to Saint Louis has been seeing the disintegration of the degrees of separation from me to my roots and area where I grew up. In DC my only connection to home (albeit the strongest type possible) was having family there. I had grown used to essentially being considered “foreign” for growing up in a small town in the Midwest. I could have been anyone from anywhere and felt I could use the card of being different to my advantage. I liked having that opportunity and ability alot. But here I feel almost local in growing up 100 miles away, and having family and friends both close by and in the same city. My first day at work I was talking to one of my coworkers affiliated with a college here in Saint Louis who knows someone I went to high school with. It seems like every day I have had a connection like that and everyone knows where Effingham is. This adjustment process is something that I’m sure I will notice in some way or another throughout the year. Sometimes I feel a little torn between being very happy living where I live and with my placement, and longing for DC again.
I like Saint Louis though. I feel a little bad that for most of my life I ignorantly viewed Saint Louis as a second-tier city as I would (unfairly) compare it to Chicago and Washington, DC. It may not have the big-city feel and cityscapes of Chicago or the international and cultural opportunities on the same level of DC, but there is a lot to do here. I plan to take as much advantage as I can of the free museums, zoo, Forest Park, festivals, etc, and two weeks into living in this city I must happily admit my former views were wrong. I believe this city can be conducive to living on an on an extremely modest and meager budget and stipend.
The simple living value of JVC has already begun to influence the way I think about spending money and the way that I live-- I can already feel myself becoming more resourceful. Our first weekend in Saint Louis, a few of us made a trip to Wal-Mart to buy things for our rooms and the house; I was looking for a lamp specifically. I saw a lamp that would have served the purpose nicely, but before buying it, I revaluated and thought: “Do I really want to spend the $8 dollars for a lamp/ do I need this right away? I don’t really need one and can wait and find one for cheaper at Goodwill or Catholic Charities. And it will support those organizations to keep them going so that I can shop there more when I really need something.” So I did not get the lamp and will wait until I find the right one from one of those other stores. This year has already begun to teach me about the necessity of goods versus the desire, and to think about things such as privilege, as well as greater community impact.
The community support that I have witnessed in my brief time here has been extraordinary- and this causes me to think that living simply this year will not be a terribly difficult challenge. I could not have asked for a better collection of individuals to be my housemates—we have such a diverse range of characteristics and each bring strengths to our living environment to make it possible for any single person to support anyone else whenever needed. This support stretches beyond my JVC housemates to a very warm and open community of former Jesuit Volunteers who live in Saint Louis. The first night we arrived in Saint Louis, a former Jesuit Volunteer (FJV) came to our house to cook us dinner and talk to us about JVC. That same night we were joined by a handful of other FJVs who were there to give us advice, help, and just talk to us as we began our journey. That whole first weekend we were shown around town by F JVs: the different neighborhoods, where to go for farmers markets, grocery stores, other thrift stores, churches, etc, take us on a picnic, etc. Even this past weekend we had a couple of other FJVs drop by and hang out for awhile giving us more info and advice.
With this support group in place it will make it easy to live simply and figure out all that Saint Louis has to offer. I feel like I have learned a little and there is so much more to learn to make this year the best it can possibly be. I’m looking forward to continue making trips to the Soulard Farmers Market (much cheaper and better food than a super market- AND doing business with the local community), showing up at more Cardinals games (and never cheering for them) after the third inning for discounted tickets, attending more free plays at the MUNY next year, more twenty mile bike rides through town, and everything else that I can do during this time here. But, there is one thing that I am looking forward to even more than the things I just mentioned and that is to volunteer and do service projects attached to the many service organizations in this city. I’m looking forward to volunteering with St. Theresa and Bridgette’s Parish Solomon Project building houses, and in whatever capacity I can with the schools that my housemates are volunteering for, and to connecting to other volunteers in this city. The FJVs that I have met have been wholesome, happy, generous, and genuine people. I think that this may stem from their desire to give back, volunteer, and be a part of something bigger than themselves. I want to achieve that too and there is no better time in my life to take part in all of these opportunities than this year to work with people for a greater cause. That is what this year with JVC is supposed to be all about and I am fully committed to living this way to obtain hopefully shine some clarity on my life.
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