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“It goes like this the fourth the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift”

-Hallelujah

Awareness. Pride. Frustration. Discomfort. Recognition. Acceptance. Admiration. Inspiration.

Feel free to group this list of ambiguous emotions together to describe any number of occurrences and how you have felt throughout your day. Now take this list and view it as a cycle. This cycle describes my thoughts and feelings towards a very specific love of mine. A love that has been a very dear part of my life for a long time—I am writing about my relationship with music. I consider music to be a very strong part of my identity. Part of my childhood involved taking piano lessons and playing the piano. Many of my favorite memories in college involve music: jamming in the dorms and playing open mic nights, hosting a weekly radio show, attending amazing concerts, and arguing over music during the traditional Thanksgiving road trips). While abroad in Kenya, I felt most comfortable with the art/performing art crowd (See posts on WAPI, Social Circles). I could fill several blogposts to describe what music means to me. Some of you may have heard me say this before but to me music is more than just sounds and goes well beyond words and musical notes. Good music can lift you off of the ground, it can transport you to a higher state or different place, influence your mood of the day, and express thoughts that resonate with you and comfort you as it provides sense of solidarity.

When I am listening to one of my favorite albums- Terence Blanchard’s jazz album “A Requiem for Katrina”, I hear within the music the rise of the water as it floods New Orleans, the somber, mournful sounds that describe a city in shock and downtrodden after being leveled by the hurricane, and the uplifting, hopeful spirit of the music as the city turns towards rebuilding and the optimism of the future. (No I didn’t get that from a music review nor have I ever read one about this album, this is purely, honestly what I am thinking when listening to the album) When listening to U2’s album “All That You Can’t Leave Behind” I hear optimism in the music- a message and a feeling that you cannot be in complete control, and that is alright because no matter what happens things will turn out well no matter how hard, and through life’s experiences you will become a stronger person. In the end you will have everything that you need to get by (I may be able to convey my thoughts with this one as easily but that’s what I get out of this album). I am transported to a simpler time like my childhood when listening to the music of Everclear. I am reminded of listening to the Everclear mixtapes that my brother made for me while growing up.

Music to me is a conduit to help me process and decompress. I play piano at nights typically to help me think about my day and when messing around the sounds typically reflect my mood in one way or another. If I am not quite ready to go to sleep when I know it is time for sleep, I put my Ipod on sleep timer and typically fall asleep while listening to something that reflects my day.

So, why, you might ask would I be bringing this up in a blogpost about my JVC year?
It turns out that my placement city and I have a shared identity on one level or another. In my limited experience here, I believe that music encompasses more of Saint Louis’ identity than it does for any other city that I have lived. It seems I cannot go a day without experiencing live music, and I have not been going out of my way to see live music every day (although I wish that were the case)

This brings me back to the cycle of emotions that I listed at the top of this post. My first experience with live music in Saint Louis occurred at a local establishment where a piano player was playing acceptable covers of seemingly every feel-good sing-a-long song made popular in the last 40 years (Read: “Sweet Caroline”, “Piano Man”, etc, and even, strangely the Black Eyed Peas “I’ve Gotta Feeling”). You all know these musicians. They seem to play at establishments throughout the world. Everyone loves them, everyone sings along as joy, fun, and nostalgia washes over people as this music serves as a perfect complement to their libation of choice. Everyone except me.

With any other instrument I feel the same way as most people in this environment, but if it is a piano I often cannot seem to enjoy the occurrence as much as I would like to. This is where pride, frustration, and discomfort come in. In my heart I know that if I would have had my head on properly when I was younger, I could have been that guy playing these covers decently and entertaining people. I try not to live my life with any or many regrets, but one of the closest things that I have to one is not working harder and appreciating the piano lessons that I took as a kid as much as I would now in the same situation. Admittedly, I sometimes sloughed off while taking them and my head was not in it then as much as it would be now if I were to relive those years in my current mindset. And I wish that I would have kept taking lessons all throughout high school instead of giving it up to play sports. For the last few years I have had a false sense of stupid pride of thinking I am better than I actually am at the piano. This admission has not come easily and I recognize and accept this false pride now more than at any time ever and am and will be working towards changing. (More on this in a minute)

Fast forward this episode one week later to find me in a state of pure admiration:

Blues lies at the soul of the Saint Louis music scene. Blues (along with jazz), are in my opinion two music genres that are the easiest for the musician to be expressive. Whenever I go to a blues show, I always feel drawn towards the wide array range of complex expressions that blues music can carry through what appears to be very simplistic sound. The best example I can give of this is by repeating what critics say of blues legend B.B. King: he may play the same note throughout an entire song but he’ll make it sound different every single time. There is just a soul, a feeling that goes into blues music that I enjoy listening to, and this was one of the things I most looked forward to when I knew I would be living in Saint Louis for the next year.

My first experience with blues in Saint Louis occurred at Jazz Bistro next to the Fox Theatre a week after the piano man night. My colleague’s husband and son were both being featured as a horn section for a few songs during a local jazz/blues quintet’s show. For as unhappy as I was on the piano man show night, I was the complete polar opposite seeing and hearing the music that these musicians—especially the pianist’s performance. The skill that they all put forth was incredible, the passion, the soul, the funk, I was mesmerized of it all and really admired these musicians, for they were extraordinarily good. I could feel this music deep inside me as it felt so personal and authentic—something that to me felt lacking from the previous week-- as I listened to their original songs, as well as a few covers of classic songs such as “Stand by Me”, “Backwater Blues”, and even a funky mash-up of Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean and Thriller”.

I was in the same state of admiration this past weekend while attending the Big Muddy Blues Festival held on the Laclede’s Landing. There were three stages set up in that area, with musicians all playing their different versions of blues. One stage seemed to be more twangy and country, with a tinge of gospel mixed in. One played more psychedelic and groovy/funky music, and then on the main stage I watched the whole show of blues legends from the past Booker T (The only band I had heard of playing at the festival whose most famous song is “Green Onions”.) While I saw certain types of blues at the festival that I would not consider my style, (such as the country version) I appreciated the musicianship and skill of all of these bands as they are all very talented. I had a great time at the festival.

I had the same feeling just last night while seeing the Principle of St. Cecilia Grade School (where my housemate Chino teaches) play with his band at the Sheldon Concert Hall. Their music was acoustic music with magnificent harmonies (a pianist/bassoon player, guitar/mandolin, another guitarist, and a steel guitar), and had a Johnny Cash meets Peter Paul and Mary type of feel to it. These people had been playing together for over thirty years and it really showed. Their passion, their understanding, and their love for playing and for each other and the crowd really came through and made perhaps the biggest impression on me of all of the four performances that I have seen in the last two weeks or so. I aspire to have that same love and appreciation for playing music thirty plus years down the road (admittedly on a much lower level than Chino’s boss).

Now that brings me to the end of the cycle with inspiration. In the last few weeks I have been playing exponentially more piano than I have freshman year of college. I have come to realize that playing music is something spiritual for me—it is a way for me to be expressive, to reflect, and to work on inner growth. There is not a better time for me to be playing more again than right now, while participating in a program that encourages and requires spirituality and different forms of it, with housemates who are there to support me throughout the year, and in a city ripe with musical opportunity to play and be heard right now. I have many goals on many levels for the year; physical, mental, spiritual, etc. But one thing that I will do is work myself into playing open mic nights again. And, when not gearing towards that, at the very least I can provide my housemates with some entertainment. Thanks for tuning in this time (literally).


I feel compelled to plug some music here so if you want to hear what I have been listening to for the last week, what is on the radio here nonstop (heard 4 times in a 3 hour time span) and what I predict will be the number #1 song in the country within the next month click here.