Crumbs From Your Table

“Take these shoes, click-clacking down some dead-end street, take these shoes and make them fit. Take this shirt polyester white-trash made in nowhere, take this shirt and make it clean. Take this soul, stranded down in some skin and bones, take this soul and make it sing.”

U2- “Yahweh”

The greater the challenge, the more you get out of it and learn from it, the better off you become, and quite honestly, the challenge proves to be easier and more fun than first imagined. If you would have asked me going into this year which of the four JVC values (spirituality, simple living, intentional community, and social justice) I thought would be the most challenging one to live out that affected both my community and my life the most, I would have said simple living. As a Jesuit Volunteer, we only receive a $100 stipend a month. You can break that down to $3.33 a day for wages. For this year I willingly and personally have chosen to become close to one of those stats that I used to study about and aspired to work towards improving in my international development classes. Half of the world lives on $2 a day or less. While $3 is exponentially better than $2 for a day, it seemed a little daunting. That $100 is our own personal salary. We catch small relief from JVC because it provides an additional $90 a month for food money (which is all combined together in our intentional community budget and to equal $720 for a month for a house of eight people for food). If you break that down that gives me personally $3 a day for food. This means I’m technically living off of $6 a day. Keep in mind that I came into this year from living in a Washington, DC environment where $6 can barely get you a sandwich (and not even that at many places), or one beer, or a half of a movie ticket. This seemed like it would be a major challenge.

Two months into my JVC year I must admit that living simply has been much easier than I thought it would be. In no way has this value been easier to carry out than in regards to food. It helps to have access to a fantastic farmers market in the Historic Soulard Farmer’s Market. This market enables my community and house of eight to purchase large quantities of produce for very cheap once a week and we have realized that it is an absolute necessity to go to this market every Saturday (the largest, busiest, and best deal day of the week for the market). To give you an idea of our Soulard trips, this is what bought this past Saturday there:

2 bunches of asparagus (8 stalks or whatever they are called in each)

2 bags of onions (between 15-20 onions)

2 giant cauliflowers

2 squash

2 large zucchini

1 bag of spinach

1 eggplant

2 pounds of sugar snap peas

1 carton of jalapeños (15 peppers total)

1 crate of green peppers (at least 50 green peppers)

1 large bunch of cilantro

18 oranges

A thing of grapes

1 pineapple

12 bananas

12 kiwis

12 nectarines

12 apples

This was our haul for the week. Grand total: $31.25.

(Or if you look at it in bigger terms, 1/6 of our weekly food budget to buy a large majority of the food needed to cook with and make meals for the week).

Each week we get different deals on different things. Some weeks feature different vegetables, roots, and different fruits, but we usually always end up buying about the same quantity of collective produce for the same price. The market experience goes deeper than just merely buying produce. My roommate Chino and I (at least one if not both of us have gone on our house every trip) have begun to carve out some sort of semblance of a community for our house at the farmer’s market. We have developed a sort of working relationship with some of the vendors, who have given us better deals than what are advertised, who have thrown in an extra couple this or that or an extra pound here and there of the produce. We make small talk with them a little bit, and when there is a new person that is with us they recognize it is a new person from our house. I look forward (whether I have gone for the week or not) to having the weekly conversation asking my housemates about their experience and asking them about what we have come to called the D.O.W (Deal of the week) was. To further illustrate how awesome this farmers market is, past DOW’s have included a whole box of tomatoes (60-70 tomatoes) for $11, the green pepper deal mentioned above, 8 cartons of strawberries for $5, 20 peaches for $2… you get the idea.

It does not make sense to buy these things at a grocery store when you have this market available. The first week that we were on our own in Saint Louis Chino and I took care of food purchases for the week for our house. We went to both the grocery store and the farmers market. During our time at the grocery store and having already been to the Farmer’s Market, I was curious so I wandered through the produce section. I was quite frankly embarrassed for the grocery store, as it seemed like they were adding extra “0s” to the end of all the prices compared to the Farmer’s Market. I am not alone in this realization. My housemate Dayna accompanied me to Soulard a few weeks ago for her first trip to the market. After taking several laps around the place looking for the best deals and buying all our produce, she said to me “This is amazing. I’m never buying fruits and vegetables from a grocery store again.” It seems like everyone who has returned with our enormous crop for the week has expressed satisfaction on getting the best possible bang and best quality food for our buck, felt about the same way as Dayna and I.

This market has greater value to our community than just making economical sense. During one of our weekly community nights where we do community building activities, we all went around and said things that we wanted to challenge our community to do. I challenged our community to only buy produce for the whole year from the Farmer’s Market. Admittedly, economics served as a large driving force behind that challenge (especially being one of the two people in charge of house finances and budget for our community). But, I had another large motive as well. It forces our community to make due and be creative with what we have-- to stretch the limits of our resources as far as they can go in as many ways. This is what I was looking forward to the most and hoping to get out of a year of simple living. You may ask what we do with a crate of 60-70 tomatoes and 50 green peppers. You make salsas, tomato sauces. We have been making our own stock for stews from other meat dishes. Many times when discussing what should be included on the grocery list, someone in the community will respond “we don’t need to buy this, we can make our own.”, and “it’s not difficult all we need is this to make that”, etc. This year forces inventiveness on everyone who is cooking to create new ways of presenting the same things—to do things such as take leftover mash potatoes and turn them into potato pancakes, or a leftover rice casserole and turn it into a taco-style dish. This year’s environment creates a golden opportunity for my community to conduct exercises in resilience building. Walking through the grocery stores, I have begun to notice that grocery stores are beginning to stock their shelves with instant or already-made made things that cater to a world gripped by instant gratification. These products such as sauces, salad dressings, and too many other things to remember have invaded the shelves. This whole experience is making me realize how much our lives hinge on instant gratification. This is most apparent in food. This makes me think back (again) to my Third World Cities class last year when we were assigned to do a reading from "The Transition Handbook: From Oil Dependency to Local Resilience" by Rob Hopkins on our society's declining resilience. I could be wrong but I believe the context of the reading was that if a natural disaster hit multiple areas of the world and affected the global supply-line, people would not know what to do. I believe it. We are losing our ability to build, make, construct, and cook things ourselves. That reading hit me hard and has been in the back of my mind ever sense. You get a sense of accomplishment and pride from making your own things, of taking risks to produce, accepting failures while critiquing the process to know how to improve, and quite frankly, it is exhilarating to know that your end product is better than anything you could have bought- and you personally grow and develop along the way. Our JVC program coordinator (who was in town checking in with us) took us out to dinner last week. It was the first time I had been out to eat for dinner since being here in Saint Louis. It was ok, but I must admit that it was not as good as the food that the different people in my community make for our community dinners; it did not have the same effect, the same taste, the same feeling of seeing people making do with the fresh produce, meat, and other foods for the week.

The surrounding Saint Louis Community has also helped to make simple living feel easier than I thought it would be. It seems like we are always getting food given to us, people are dropping by to hang out and give us food, or we have a barbecue or other event to attend. I was lucky to be invited to, and attended a party with quite a few FJVs the other week, and at the end of the night they sent me home with nearly all of the leftover taco/Mexican ingredients that became lunch for the next 2 days and dinner once as well. We have gotten our fair share of snack foods and baked goods given to us as well that have been leftovers from events held by my housemates’ different agencies. I am very grateful for the baked goods as they have made me very happy in allowing me variety for breakfast in the morning.

As good as the baked goods are and loved eating them, they have do not bode the best for my personal commitment to working out more this year. During this year of living simply I have been attempting to take a holistic approach to self improvement. Developing better cooking skills has been a big part of that, but I have also been exercising a lot more this year. This is a free activity and makes me feel really good about myself. I am very lucky to be placed at a YMCA, where I have access to a gym to workout every day, and I usually get to work an hour early and spend that time working out. I have been running and biking much more this year, and am working towards participating in a triathlon next spring (something that has always been a personal goal of mine). I also have participated both months that I have been in Saint Louis in a bike club that is equally amazing and ridiculous that meets once a month every full moon at 11 PM to ride at least a 20-23 mile bike ride. I was curious but skeptical at first about it, but that changed when seeing the at least 200-300 bikers who do this a month. It is an easy pace but it makes me feel like I am part of the Tour De France in a way, and it has been a great way to see different parts of the city, learn my way around, and get a great workout as well. I am glad I took that initiative to go along the first time I did and see myself participating every month that is possible.

It is all about putting yourself out there, taking initiative, and stretching every opportunity to make the most out of life when on a small income. I could not have asked for a better city to be in in terms of both opportunities for free events and a strong community that supports volunteer work and creates opportunities to participate in meaningful events for us as well. In the past month I have gone to two “Twilight Tuesdays”-an every-Tuesday event where it seems like half of Saint Louis gathers on the lawn in front of the Missouri History Museum in Forest Park with picnics (in some cases grills), and drinks to hang out and listen to and dance to music performances. (It reminds me a lot of the jazz in the Sculpture Garden event held every Friday during the summer in DC that I used to love to attend.) A balloon festival in Forest Park, and done things like participate in a Walk for Autism and hear the absolutely amazing Fr. Greg Boyle, founder of Homeboy Industries in Los Angeles (more on him in my next blogpost)—events that I found out about through my housemate’s jobs. Each weekend and some weekdays when I recount what I did the night or weekend before to my colleagues at the Y, I have gotten responses such as “Man, Ryan you get around a lot. You’ve done more than I have in two months here and I’ve been here for two years”.

That is what I want. I want to get out there, do things, and make the most out of every opportunity to squeeze every opportunity for all that it is worth.

Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own

“Listen to me now, I need to let you know, you don’t have to go it alone.”

U2- Sometimes You Can’t Make It On Your Own

I would like to dedicate this post, this blog and the rest of my year of JVC service to my late Grandma, Ethel Brumleve, who died two weeks ago today. I loved talking to her on the phone and telling her about what I was doing this year in Saint Louis. I could tell by her voice when we talked how interested she was in my program, what I was doing, and how I was living my life this year. I know in my heart that she was proud of what I am doing, and I will not disappoint her with the rest of my year. She always made me feel so good about myself and I will miss her terribly. She was my commute buddy of sorts; I always would use the time when I was walking to and from bus and train stops to talk to her. She was the best person to talk to during that time, a constant positive, and she became a sort of portal that always made me happy as I transitioned from one aspect and community of my day to another. It really hit me yesterday when I was running late for a bus and had twenty minutes to kill before the next one that I could no longer talk to her. She truly was the most remarkable of women and touched many people’s lives in a number of different ways. The positive impact that she had on her community was most apparent by the large number of people who attended her visitation and funeral, and it was very moving to me to feel the generosity and kindness of everyone in attendance as they offered their sympathies, paid their respects, and told stories about the loving, caring, warm human being that my grandma was. This event got me thinking about and inspired me to write a blogpost about another one of the four Jesuit Volunteer Corps values: community.

The fact of the matter is that working towards social justice issues, living life on a modest stipend, and (for many) relocating to a different part of the country far away from family and friends can be quite challenging. Having multiple support networks in different places eases the challenges of the year significantly. I am not sure if these types of networks are more prevalent for me during this year of volunteer service, or if I had not noticed them as much before, but I certainly do now. I notice communities in some regard or another and both big and small everywhere. And, I have started to feel like I have some sort of place in each one.

I obviously feel a sense of community and amazing support from my family—which I do not feel I need to get write about here as well as my housemates and JVC-created and structured community—more on that later in this post. I want to start out with a much simpler community, one that has often been unseen by me. Everyday I am one the many people of Saint Louis who takes public transportation to work. I take the metrolink train from the Central West End across the river to the 5^th and Missouri station in East Saint Louis, and then the #2 Cahokia Bus to my Cahokia Area YMCA. I always took the busses and metro to work in Washington, DC, but it was a completely different atmosphere there. In DC people do not generally talk on the busses and trains. Most people read or listen to music, and you have very little interaction among riders besides the occasional cordial act of giving up a seat to an elderly person, pregnant woman, mother with children, or when giving out directions or answering questions from tourist unfamiliar with the area. This is not real interaction and there is certainly no community feel to it. Many times in DC I would take the bus to work with people that I knew even and there was not much conversing. (Albeit this was always at least partially my fault as sometimes I was more interested in reading Express or listening to NPR podcasts)

The Saint Louis commute is much different. While my trip on the metro everyday is comparable to DC as people are less likely to talk, the bus commute is strikingly different. I usually have the same bus driver and ride with the same people every day. These people all talk amongst themselves on their commutes and to the bus driver. They talk about their kids, kid’s schools and the education system, problems with their spouses, significant others, or in some cases multiple significant others, or have “baby-mama-drama”, etc. And this is not polite small-talk, but these are the type of conversations that are open and honest. They put themselves out there in the same way that old buddies who have known each other for years would talk. I get the feeling that many of these people make the same trip with each other every day year after year, and function as commute buddies. While I may not feel right contributing to these conversations or speaking at this time-- it does not seem like my place yet, I do get the feeling that my presence is acknowledged and accepted on the bus. I am ok being an extra in the background at this point. These commutes make me think back to one of my favorite classes that I took in college- Third World Cities last year with Professor Bratman. The class was development focused but made you think about the challenges of urban planning and examining how each aspect of a city affects other parts and what message is being sent to the different people. I remember talking about the existence of suburbs and expressways and how they function as a way to cut people off from the urban life. They could separate their lives outside of work from their home lives and pass through one environment to the other in their own privacy and at their own convenience. I must say I enjoy taking public transportation. I feel like I am constantly learning on the train and bus; like I am part of the living, breathing essence of Saint Louis and the surrounding Illinois suburbs by listening to the problems, issues, and successes of the everyman and woman Saint Louis area resident. If I had access to a car everyday for work I still do not think I would use it the majority of the time. (Even if it would cut in half my commute time to work)

Speaking of work, I have a very strong community and support network at the Cahokia Area YMCA. This all starts with my boss Fred, the executive director of the Cahokia Area YMCA. When I first met Fred, we instantly clicked. He took me out to lunch on my first day and we both discovered our mutual interest of politics and current events, and found ourselves talking about politics (on a national and city level), DC, and even Uganda and Haiti (it is very impressive to me that he has been to both for the political line of work that he used to do). He is a compassionate guy who really gets the YMCA mission of “building strong kids, strong families, and strong communities by putting Christian principles into practice through programs that build health spirits, minds, and bodies for all.” He invests so much effort into the community he works trying to build it up and strengthen it. This passion shines its brightest through his work towards attempting to get teenage boys in the area to think more seriously about college as a real option, and getting their lives and selves organized enough to take all of the steps to follow through and make it to college. I really admire this dedication. He has even gone so far as to take time out of work to take a local boy to the college to guide him through the registration and class sign up process. He also always is checking up on me as well. One day I left work right around the time that a torrential downpour started and he called me to ask if I was out in the rain or had gotten on the bus yet. When I told him on that Thursday that I would not be in last Monday for my grandma’s funeral, he told me that he did not want to see me as well nor later Thursday afternoon. He told me to take that time off to get my head right. He texted me on the Monday of my Grandma’s funeral asking if I was ok and saying he was thinking about me.

I have been and will continue to learn a lot from Fred. He has tuned me into to politics on a city level (something I admittedly no next to nothing about and had never really paid attention to before). But what I think I could learn most from him is how to be a community figure, to actively be involved in a society, to know the people, their issues, and make sure to do what I can to improve and transform their lives. (more on all of this in a future blogpost)

My other colleagues are very receptive as well and make me feel like I am part of a tight knit family. They took me out to see a jazz show (see previous post), and are always telling me about opportunities to go do things with them that are local and community oriented: high school football games, air shows, etc. We had a staff appreciation cookout last Saturday that I attended, and it was nice to relax with my colleagues, meet their families and bond with them. I will most definitely write more about my colleagues and work throughout the year. Stay tuned for that.

I do not want to focus on my community of housemates during this blog because they will be mentioned throughout the year in many blogposts, but I do want to write about our extended community that includes our JVC support people Katie and Michael. These are great people who are there to offer their support to us on many levels. They have been planning and running our weekly community nights thus far, and look for other fun activities for us to do and so much more (more on this in an upcoming blogpost as well.) We have one-on-one check-ins with Katie and Michael throughout the year as well. During my check-in with Michael, I was telling him about some of my recreational programs I am creating for my YMCA, and he offered to let me use his two children as guinea pigs for my project. I will be taking him up on this offer in the future.

So what is the take-away from all of this? Right now I feel very fortunate to have these different communities that I am becoming a part of that are warm and receptive in me. They have opened their doors to include me, introduced me to their families, and really believe in me, what I am doing, and are looking to improve me to be the best person that I can be. In an environment like this it is easy for me to believe in myself, and do what is right to the best of my ability, and to live up to my own and everyone’s expectations and attempt to surpass them. This echoes something that my grandma used to always tell me when we talked, something that I have tried my best to do and will continue to listen to: “just make sure to be a good boy Ryan”.

In this blogpost I touched on a lot of themes and issues that I will expand upon in forthcoming blogs including more detail on what I do at work, the people I work with, and more about living in community with my housemates. Up Next: One focusing on simple living? Social justice? Who knows?.....I do. Stay tuned to find out.

Also if you want to see a picture of our JVC Midwest crew check out the front page of the JVC website. (I am cut out of the picture but a few of my housemates are in as well as many of the JVs in the Midwest. Click here, or click on the JVC link at the very top of the page.

Like A Song...

“It goes like this the fourth the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift”

-Hallelujah

Awareness. Pride. Frustration. Discomfort. Recognition. Acceptance. Admiration. Inspiration.

Feel free to group this list of ambiguous emotions together to describe any number of occurrences and how you have felt throughout your day. Now take this list and view it as a cycle. This cycle describes my thoughts and feelings towards a very specific love of mine. A love that has been a very dear part of my life for a long time—I am writing about my relationship with music. I consider music to be a very strong part of my identity. Part of my childhood involved taking piano lessons and playing the piano. Many of my favorite memories in college involve music: jamming in the dorms and playing open mic nights, hosting a weekly radio show, attending amazing concerts, and arguing over music during the traditional Thanksgiving road trips). While abroad in Kenya, I felt most comfortable with the art/performing art crowd (See posts on WAPI, Social Circles). I could fill several blogposts to describe what music means to me. Some of you may have heard me say this before but to me music is more than just sounds and goes well beyond words and musical notes. Good music can lift you off of the ground, it can transport you to a higher state or different place, influence your mood of the day, and express thoughts that resonate with you and comfort you as it provides sense of solidarity.

When I am listening to one of my favorite albums- Terence Blanchard’s jazz album “A Requiem for Katrina”, I hear within the music the rise of the water as it floods New Orleans, the somber, mournful sounds that describe a city in shock and downtrodden after being leveled by the hurricane, and the uplifting, hopeful spirit of the music as the city turns towards rebuilding and the optimism of the future. (No I didn’t get that from a music review nor have I ever read one about this album, this is purely, honestly what I am thinking when listening to the album) When listening to U2’s album “All That You Can’t Leave Behind” I hear optimism in the music- a message and a feeling that you cannot be in complete control, and that is alright because no matter what happens things will turn out well no matter how hard, and through life’s experiences you will become a stronger person. In the end you will have everything that you need to get by (I may be able to convey my thoughts with this one as easily but that’s what I get out of this album). I am transported to a simpler time like my childhood when listening to the music of Everclear. I am reminded of listening to the Everclear mixtapes that my brother made for me while growing up.

Music to me is a conduit to help me process and decompress. I play piano at nights typically to help me think about my day and when messing around the sounds typically reflect my mood in one way or another. If I am not quite ready to go to sleep when I know it is time for sleep, I put my Ipod on sleep timer and typically fall asleep while listening to something that reflects my day.

So, why, you might ask would I be bringing this up in a blogpost about my JVC year?
It turns out that my placement city and I have a shared identity on one level or another. In my limited experience here, I believe that music encompasses more of Saint Louis’ identity than it does for any other city that I have lived. It seems I cannot go a day without experiencing live music, and I have not been going out of my way to see live music every day (although I wish that were the case)

This brings me back to the cycle of emotions that I listed at the top of this post. My first experience with live music in Saint Louis occurred at a local establishment where a piano player was playing acceptable covers of seemingly every feel-good sing-a-long song made popular in the last 40 years (Read: “Sweet Caroline”, “Piano Man”, etc, and even, strangely the Black Eyed Peas “I’ve Gotta Feeling”). You all know these musicians. They seem to play at establishments throughout the world. Everyone loves them, everyone sings along as joy, fun, and nostalgia washes over people as this music serves as a perfect complement to their libation of choice. Everyone except me.

With any other instrument I feel the same way as most people in this environment, but if it is a piano I often cannot seem to enjoy the occurrence as much as I would like to. This is where pride, frustration, and discomfort come in. In my heart I know that if I would have had my head on properly when I was younger, I could have been that guy playing these covers decently and entertaining people. I try not to live my life with any or many regrets, but one of the closest things that I have to one is not working harder and appreciating the piano lessons that I took as a kid as much as I would now in the same situation. Admittedly, I sometimes sloughed off while taking them and my head was not in it then as much as it would be now if I were to relive those years in my current mindset. And I wish that I would have kept taking lessons all throughout high school instead of giving it up to play sports. For the last few years I have had a false sense of stupid pride of thinking I am better than I actually am at the piano. This admission has not come easily and I recognize and accept this false pride now more than at any time ever and am and will be working towards changing. (More on this in a minute)

Fast forward this episode one week later to find me in a state of pure admiration:

Blues lies at the soul of the Saint Louis music scene. Blues (along with jazz), are in my opinion two music genres that are the easiest for the musician to be expressive. Whenever I go to a blues show, I always feel drawn towards the wide array range of complex expressions that blues music can carry through what appears to be very simplistic sound. The best example I can give of this is by repeating what critics say of blues legend B.B. King: he may play the same note throughout an entire song but he’ll make it sound different every single time. There is just a soul, a feeling that goes into blues music that I enjoy listening to, and this was one of the things I most looked forward to when I knew I would be living in Saint Louis for the next year.

My first experience with blues in Saint Louis occurred at Jazz Bistro next to the Fox Theatre a week after the piano man night. My colleague’s husband and son were both being featured as a horn section for a few songs during a local jazz/blues quintet’s show. For as unhappy as I was on the piano man show night, I was the complete polar opposite seeing and hearing the music that these musicians—especially the pianist’s performance. The skill that they all put forth was incredible, the passion, the soul, the funk, I was mesmerized of it all and really admired these musicians, for they were extraordinarily good. I could feel this music deep inside me as it felt so personal and authentic—something that to me felt lacking from the previous week-- as I listened to their original songs, as well as a few covers of classic songs such as “Stand by Me”, “Backwater Blues”, and even a funky mash-up of Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean and Thriller”.

I was in the same state of admiration this past weekend while attending the Big Muddy Blues Festival held on the Laclede’s Landing. There were three stages set up in that area, with musicians all playing their different versions of blues. One stage seemed to be more twangy and country, with a tinge of gospel mixed in. One played more psychedelic and groovy/funky music, and then on the main stage I watched the whole show of blues legends from the past Booker T (The only band I had heard of playing at the festival whose most famous song is “Green Onions”.) While I saw certain types of blues at the festival that I would not consider my style, (such as the country version) I appreciated the musicianship and skill of all of these bands as they are all very talented. I had a great time at the festival.

I had the same feeling just last night while seeing the Principle of St. Cecilia Grade School (where my housemate Chino teaches) play with his band at the Sheldon Concert Hall. Their music was acoustic music with magnificent harmonies (a pianist/bassoon player, guitar/mandolin, another guitarist, and a steel guitar), and had a Johnny Cash meets Peter Paul and Mary type of feel to it. These people had been playing together for over thirty years and it really showed. Their passion, their understanding, and their love for playing and for each other and the crowd really came through and made perhaps the biggest impression on me of all of the four performances that I have seen in the last two weeks or so. I aspire to have that same love and appreciation for playing music thirty plus years down the road (admittedly on a much lower level than Chino’s boss).

Now that brings me to the end of the cycle with inspiration. In the last few weeks I have been playing exponentially more piano than I have freshman year of college. I have come to realize that playing music is something spiritual for me—it is a way for me to be expressive, to reflect, and to work on inner growth. There is not a better time for me to be playing more again than right now, while participating in a program that encourages and requires spirituality and different forms of it, with housemates who are there to support me throughout the year, and in a city ripe with musical opportunity to play and be heard right now. I have many goals on many levels for the year; physical, mental, spiritual, etc. But one thing that I will do is work myself into playing open mic nights again. And, when not gearing towards that, at the very least I can provide my housemates with some entertainment. Thanks for tuning in this time (literally).


I feel compelled to plug some music here so if you want to hear what I have been listening to for the last week, what is on the radio here nonstop (heard 4 times in a 3 hour time span) and what I predict will be the number #1 song in the country within the next month click here.

A Sort of Homecoming: Three Weeks Into the JVC Saint Louis Year

"They say you can’t see the forest when you’re there among the trees. They say it takes a separation to find some kind of clarity."
Griffen House- "Liberty Line"

I’ve sat down and began to write this post about a half dozen times over the past couple weeks, but until now I have not been able to finish. I was sitting back, waiting for some clarity and some definitive knowledge before I wrote this post to have something meaningful to write about. Now, Three weeks into the JVC year and one week into my new job, I find myself still waiting for some, if not a lot of clarity for the year ahead.

In my opinion, this lack of clarity is equal parts frustrating and good for me. The terror that I felt and mentioned when thinking about (and writing about) my upcoming JVC year a month and a half ago still exists in some sense, but it has morphed. I no longer consider myself to have a fear of this unknown, unfamiliar thing that is JVC. But, instead I now have begun to view this time as an opportunity to see what is out there, explore new things, and to learn valuable lessons about myself and the world around me. This is a relatively big step and shift for me coming from a very recent time in my life in Washington, DC. I was essentially approaching my life very methodically and excessively planning and micromanaging most of my time to attempt to maximize my potential output. (I feel like I am back in economics class writing that last sentence) In other words, for much of this past summer I felt as if I were going through the motions of life without really living it. It is sad but true. Be it at work, commuting, planning nights out, or hanging out with friends, I feel like during that time my approach to life was focused largely towards efficiency and total rationality. I was holding on too tightly to myself and being too serious, and that led to an unhealthy and not the most fun or happy time for me. Granted, I do not want to loosen my grip and stop planning and managing too much either because that would lead to disorganization, a lack of being on top of things, and less rational thinking- the other, equally unhealthy side of the spectrum. So, this year I need to work on finding that balance that culminates with being on top of things and loose enough to be able to roll with things as they come up and deal with an unknown. This JVC year is designed to strengthen my life through four values, one of these being spirituality. I understand spirituality to be a deeper understanding of one’s self, and right now, I think that relinquishing a little control will help me to deepen my spirituality.

Living in Saint Louis will definitely help in this regard. The way of life and culture here are far different from that of Washington DC. DC is hands on, fast-paced with everyone moving from one thing to another so quickly. The lifestyle and culture is real, heavy, and dominated by efficiency, output, politics, and both how to achieve and preserve power. Don’t get me wrong I love DC. I love that culture, lifestyle,city, and all that it stands for. I love it to the point that I let it mold my personality and thought process so that I thought that it set the example as the way to live life. But yet, I think this year of living in a much more laid-back, wholesome environment will expose me to more than one way of life. Hopefully I can take the best parts of both Washington, DC and Saint Louis and mold them together to establish a way of life that best suits me.

It is strange and funny to have a sort of homecoming and be living back in the Midwest in Saint Louis. The strangest part of moving from DC to Saint Louis has been seeing the disintegration of the degrees of separation from me to my roots and area where I grew up. In DC my only connection to home (albeit the strongest type possible) was having family there. I had grown used to essentially being considered “foreign” for growing up in a small town in the Midwest. I could have been anyone from anywhere and felt I could use the card of being different to my advantage. I liked having that opportunity and ability alot. But here I feel almost local in growing up 100 miles away, and having family and friends both close by and in the same city. My first day at work I was talking to one of my coworkers affiliated with a college here in Saint Louis who knows someone I went to high school with. It seems like every day I have had a connection like that and everyone knows where Effingham is. This adjustment process is something that I’m sure I will notice in some way or another throughout the year. Sometimes I feel a little torn between being very happy living where I live and with my placement, and longing for DC again.

I like Saint Louis though. I feel a little bad that for most of my life I ignorantly viewed Saint Louis as a second-tier city as I would (unfairly) compare it to Chicago and Washington, DC. It may not have the big-city feel and cityscapes of Chicago or the international and cultural opportunities on the same level of DC, but there is a lot to do here. I plan to take as much advantage as I can of the free museums, zoo, Forest Park, festivals, etc, and two weeks into living in this city I must happily admit my former views were wrong. I believe this city can be conducive to living on an on an extremely modest and meager budget and stipend.

The simple living value of JVC has already begun to influence the way I think about spending money and the way that I live-- I can already feel myself becoming more resourceful. Our first weekend in Saint Louis, a few of us made a trip to Wal-Mart to buy things for our rooms and the house; I was looking for a lamp specifically. I saw a lamp that would have served the purpose nicely, but before buying it, I revaluated and thought: “Do I really want to spend the $8 dollars for a lamp/ do I need this right away? I don’t really need one and can wait and find one for cheaper at Goodwill or Catholic Charities. And it will support those organizations to keep them going so that I can shop there more when I really need something.” So I did not get the lamp and will wait until I find the right one from one of those other stores. This year has already begun to teach me about the necessity of goods versus the desire, and to think about things such as privilege, as well as greater community impact.

The community support that I have witnessed in my brief time here has been extraordinary- and this causes me to think that living simply this year will not be a terribly difficult challenge. I could not have asked for a better collection of individuals to be my housemates—we have such a diverse range of characteristics and each bring strengths to our living environment to make it possible for any single person to support anyone else whenever needed. This support stretches beyond my JVC housemates to a very warm and open community of former Jesuit Volunteers who live in Saint Louis. The first night we arrived in Saint Louis, a former Jesuit Volunteer (FJV) came to our house to cook us dinner and talk to us about JVC. That same night we were joined by a handful of other FJVs who were there to give us advice, help, and just talk to us as we began our journey. That whole first weekend we were shown around town by F JVs: the different neighborhoods, where to go for farmers markets, grocery stores, other thrift stores, churches, etc, take us on a picnic, etc. Even this past weekend we had a couple of other FJVs drop by and hang out for awhile giving us more info and advice.

With this support group in place it will make it easy to live simply and figure out all that Saint Louis has to offer. I feel like I have learned a little and there is so much more to learn to make this year the best it can possibly be. I’m looking forward to continue making trips to the Soulard Farmers Market (much cheaper and better food than a super market- AND doing business with the local community), showing up at more Cardinals games (and never cheering for them) after the third inning for discounted tickets, attending more free plays at the MUNY next year, more twenty mile bike rides through town, and everything else that I can do during this time here. But, there is one thing that I am looking forward to even more than the things I just mentioned and that is to volunteer and do service projects attached to the many service organizations in this city. I’m looking forward to volunteering with St. Theresa and Bridgette’s Parish Solomon Project building houses, and in whatever capacity I can with the schools that my housemates are volunteering for, and to connecting to other volunteers in this city. The FJVs that I have met have been wholesome, happy, generous, and genuine people. I think that this may stem from their desire to give back, volunteer, and be a part of something bigger than themselves. I want to achieve that too and there is no better time in my life to take part in all of these opportunities than this year to work with people for a greater cause. That is what this year with JVC is supposed to be all about and I am fully committed to living this way to obtain hopefully shine some clarity on my life.

JVC Saint Louis- The Express Edition

After writing a blog post featuring clarity as a major theme, I realized I should probably provide you with a basic overview of my JVC Saint Louis world.

I live in a house with seven other people (2 guys 6 girls) referred to in JVC lore as the “Mansion of the Midwest” or the “Wise Mansion”. It is a huge house near Barnes Jewish Hospital, and Forest Park is practically my back yard. Our house has 20+ rooms in it which means that everyone has their own bedroom (the first time I have ever had that when living in the United States other than at home), I believe four bathrooms, 2 floors, a basement, a dining room, kitchenette/breakfast nook, 2 living rooms, a craft room, a mancave (the two guys created this to use as a potentially needed refuge for living with six girls), a chapel (this is a Jesuit house after all), and a backyard (with a garden that was essentially killed but we are committed to reviving). We also have one true community car. The house was fully furnished when we got there and has been a JVC house for a number of years, which means that it has accumulated a lot of things that we would ever need or want and we are still and finding new things that we have at our house.

Sounds great so far doesn’t it? Ok here is the challenge. By being a Jesuit Volunteer for a year that means we are committed to living the four Jesuit values of spirituality, community, simple living, and social justice.

Spirituality basically means we are going to attempt to have a spirituality night once a week (which can be religious based or personal enrichment or whatever). The goal is for everyone to gain a deeper understanding of themselves and to figure out what really drives each individual person.

I’m going to address community living and simple living together. In addition to a spirituality night we have a community night once a week that serves as a time to grow and build the community together. A myriad of activities can be done for this. In addition to community night we also are committed to essentially living life equally, thus meaning that we do things like share all of our food in our house. This brings me to simple living. By being a Jesuit Volunteer, we committed to only accepting a personal stipend of $100 dollars a month. This money is used as our personal money for whatever we want. This does not include food. As a household, we have a combined budget of $720 dollars a month for food for 8 people. So this sounds difficult at this point now doesn’t it? We have a little bit of help. We don’t have rent to pay and JVC estimates and provides us with money to pay utilities, gas for the community car, car payments, and even some money to fix up the house. In addition to this all of our different agencies where we work are supposed to provide us with the fare for our commute to and from work.

That brings me to Social Justice: Everyone has different organizations they work for. I am working for the YMCA in Cahokia, Illinois. When I started I was going to be working on an after school program at Cahokia High School, that includes time for the students to get their homework done, and have access to a tutor if they need it, a session everyday on enrichment (when I saw it the other day students in teams had to design a new advertising logo for a designated business), and a session on recreation. I still we be involved in the program in some capacity, but my work is in the process of changing. Last week I designed the curriculum for two recreational programs in which grade school students come to the YMCA to participate in physical education sessions (basically like designing PE units for an entire year.) I am going to be doing more work such as this and helping to design other recreational programs as well as enrichment programs, and will be involved in other numerous outreach programs that our YMCA is involved with from Christian outreach (the “C” in YMCA) to mentoring programs for school kids. I must say that under first impression I am really impressed with our YMCA and how involved it is in the community. It runs after school programs, programs for elderly people, families, and much more and goes way beyond my previous perceptions of YMCAs as basically “swim and gyms”. My coworkers are amazing, genuine, and really seem like they care, and I am sure I will write more about them and this YMCA throughout the year.

So, who is up to this challenge with me? Seven other people live in my house with me and I have no doubt that they will equally challenge and support each other throughout the year.

Ariana is from Tempe, Arizona, went to Arizona State University, and is mainly working on a program that uses urban farming as a rehabilitation mechanism. She brings to the house a passion for activism, namely social justice and accountability and the environment that rivals, if not surpasses anybody that I met at American University (the most politically active campus in the country 3 of the last 4 years).

Chino is from Vancouver, British Columbia and went to Gonzaga University. He is a PE teacher at a catholic grade school. As the other guy and half of “Team Ryno” (take half of both of our names and put them together) he enables us both to be guys, talk about sports, have man-dates, and is just a lot of fun to hang out with. He also is a phenomenal cook.

Dayna is from Wheaton, Illinois and went to Wheaton College. She is spending this year working with adults with developmental disabilities. She is probably the funniest person in the house and is great at telling stories. She also will be the driving force behind our highly anticipated “Wire Nights” as well as our Infinite Jest book club.

Gabby is from San Diego, California and went to Santa Clara University. She is working on St. Louis University church’s homeless and unemployed outreach program. She is probably the most extroverted person in our house who always seems happy and is always smiling, and she projects that personality onto everyone in the house.

Jamie is a St. Louis native who went to Spring Hill College in Mobile, Alabama. She is helping to run two different parish initiatives that include a bakery to provide an outlet for youth in the neighborhood, and a Habitat for Humanity type program that I look forward to volunteering with. It is great having her around because she knows the city and can recommend different things to do and places to go, and also will be good to help keep things organized and on track with our house.

Mary is from Kansas and went to Kansas University. She is spending her year as a teacher at a Catholic all-girls middle school. She brings a thoughtful, reflective personality to our house that seems like it airs towards scholarly. I look forward to having some lively discussions with her this year and will most likely learn lots from her.

Last but not least is Millie. She is from Spokane, Washington and went to Gonzaga, University. She is the only other person working on the Illinois side of the river and is teaching at an alternative high school in East St. Louis. She has a wholesome personality who really cares about social justice work and shares a passion for getting involved with causes and volunteer work and is very dedicated.

In addition to my housemates we also have two dedicated former Jesuit Volunteers who are our support people to function as sort of our other JVC family. They will be there throughout the year to give us support and encouragement, provide advice and encouragement, as well as keep us abreast of and show us cool things to do in the city. We also will be in contact with a designated Jesuit to keep us in the loop of spiritual activities and what’s going on with that element in the city. The city also offers whole networks of other volunteer groups that I look forward to connecting with, as well as a rich group of former Jesuit Volunteers that drop by.

All in all, I think it will be a challenging year but easily manageable. Thank you for coming along for the ride.

Repost: Summer 2010: Why JVC?

“You don’t know if its fear or desire, danger the drug that takes you higher”
U2- “So Cruel”

I wish this post to be my real first post of the “This Simple American Life blog”. I wanted the first post to address the issue of why I want to do JVC, and what I hope to get out of my experience, and I realize that the blogpost under this one did not adequately accomplish that goal. It was long, airy, and didn’t say anything, and I don’t want that out of this blog. So, without further ado, this will be the real first post of the new blog, and I want welcome you all to the This Simple American Life Blog and thank you for reading it

Why JVC?

First off to answer this question I need to answer the question What JVC?

To answer this question I first want to say that the Jesuit Volunteer Corps (JVC) terrifies me. But, however not all things that terrify you are necessarily bad things, and, in this case I believe that it will be quite good. This program terrifies me because I have absolutely no idea what to expect for this upcoming year as I write this blog now in the summer a month away. This is terrifying for me because for most of my adult life I have been an excessive planner who likes to know about everything that goes on at all times and be completely in control of my life. I have felt great comfort operating my life in this way because it has always given me the opportunity to plan for any outcome. Consequently, I feel that much of this comfort comes from a web of support through familiarity and friends that I constructed in the four years I lived in Washington, DC. One of the things that I have struggled with the most this summer has been the gradual unraveling of this web of familiarity, as friends move on to their own jobs in Washington, DC and other cities, and I have felt burn of holding on too tightly to the college life and yearning for the times of a year ago or more. However, I know that this is no longer possible, and the prospect of moving to a relatively unfamiliar city for a completely unfamiliar program with people I have never met is a little scary.

I know that I will be working as a program coordinator for the YMCA of Southwest Illinois working on an after-school program at Cahokia High School in Cahokia, Illinois in the St. Louis area. I know that this program will have me involved in all aspects of the program designed for academic, social, and recreational youth development; from helping create new activities for students and recruiting participants and retaining participation, to assessing students’ needs and tracking their progress, to interacting with students, teachers, parents, and other volunteers. I will have my hands in all parts of this youth program. I know that I will be living under the JVC principles of a "simple lifestyle integrated with deepening participants' faith, strengthening their sense of community, and learning about and working towards social justice" and living in a house with other JVC volunteers who will be working in their respective fields at other organizations. I know that my experience starts on August 8 at orientation, and I will find out more and meet other volunteers in the JVC Midwest region at that orientation. At this time that is all I know, and as someone who likes to know what is going on and not have things be spontaneous, this is a little terrifying. Yet, this is not the first time I have ever gone into a major experience knowing less than more, and the other time this has happened it completely changed my life for the better.

To those of you who read my “An American Abroad” blog about my experiences studying and living in Nairobi, Kenya, I want to thank you for reading it I hope you will be able to see that this year is a result from that experience.

Before studying in Kenya, I had absolutely no idea what to expect or how to prepare for that experience. I lived with people I had never met before our pre-departure meetings and did not know well, was going to a place very different than I had ever lived or experienced before, and this, it is safe to say, pushed me far out of my comfort zone. I must admit that amidst all of these elements and stripped away from everything I knew before, I felt freer than I have ever felt before. I felt that when I was a continent and a lifestyle away from everything that I had lived and everyone that I knew, I was able to become more in touch with myself, and to live and experience things my way, and this provided me with a great brief opportunity for personal and professional discovery and the freedom to experience even a small amount of growth.

I faced some challenging situations that caused me to deepen my understanding of myself. I got to experience life as a minority, to live my life knowing that I could never fit in no matter how hard I tried, and how well I attempted to speak the language. I had the chance to live and feel like I represented something that was greater than me, to both uphold and prove wrong the stereotypes of being a foreigner, an American, a mzungu (white foreigner). I went through the transition periods of feeling like a tourist at the beginning and being ok with that, to being angry at being classified as a tourist further along and trying to prove that I wasn’t (and most likely failing and embarrassing myself somewhat), to accepting their view but knowing I wasn’t a temporary tourist, and proving the Kenyans wrong that I could speak and understand some of the language, culture, etc and surprise them in a positive way for both me and Americans. At that point, I felt more accepted and to a point where I had pushed my boundaries to a new comfort level.

Looking back on this challenge, I’m grateful that I more-or-less got to undergo this experience on my own, formulate my own views, and not be handheld through the whole process. Perhaps semi-contradictory, I also am grateful that I had a group studying and living with me who were abroad for the same reasons and experiences. I am glad that I did not know these friends and classmates before trip, and got to live and experience these challenges with them. Some of my favorite memories were hanging out on the balconies of our apartments and talking about our days, talking through the frustrations of the bureaucracies that slowed down the development of Kenya, the politics and political system, and the challenges we faced because we were mzungu and how to overcome this. It was great to talk through these experiences, laugh, and learn from these friends of mine, and create a new support net and growth together. When I meet with and hang out with these friends now, we have great times catching up and I feel a real connection to them after that trip.

On a professional level, my study abroad trip opened my eyes to the possibilities of working within the field of youth development and specifically within the areas of recreational activities for youth development. I developed this passion through my internship with Sarakasi Trust—I felt at ease with what I was doing, and not only bought into and felt like I began to understand not only the “what I was doing”, but the underlying themes of why it was important. This made it easier to push my level of comfort at work as I felt like I began to understand the mission, and to contribute to the process of why these programs were important: through experiences such as doing cartwheels and handstands as a volunteer student for acrobats learning how to teach acrobats, and participating in sketch-comedy and general education for sick and abandoned children at Nairobi Hospitals. (for more on Sarakasi Trust, read Sarakasi Trust, Sarakasi Trust Revisited, or this post about the Hospital Project).

So this brings me to what my expectations are with JVC. I felt like I benefited from my experience being pushed out of my comfort zone in Nairobi. I expect a similar experience working in a “community in transition” in Cahokia, Illinois. I know that this is going to be very different than the upper-Northwest Washington, DC life that I have lived for the last four years, and I’m looking forward to learning to live a new lifestyle and about new people in a new area. I’m also looking forward to meeting, talking to, living with, hanging out with, and learning from other Jesuit Volunteers who I believe have similar goals and aspirations as I, and hopefully similar reasons for joining. I grew close to my friends from my study abroad Kenya experience, and hope that through JVC I can have a similar experience with friends on a more professional-oriented level now, as we have all graduated from college and are in a transition time in our lives from that college setting and environment (that I loved so much) to a real world life/work setting. The third, and most important thing that I expect/ hope that this JVC opportunity will do for me is to help me find out if youth development is the path that I want to work for in life, and help show me what could possibly lie ahead for me if it is. Working at Sarakasi Trust changed my life in that regard, and I believe that getting to be apart of the entire aspect of a youth development project will give me the opportunity to begin to learn and understand how to work in this field, rather than just sporadically participating on small parts of individual projects. I hope that JVC can help provide me some answers and help to shed some clarity on these expectations, and I would like to invite you all along on this journey with me as I learn throughout the program.

I also wish to invite you to donate to the JVC cause. I am required to raise $500 before I start my journey on August 8, and if you feel it in your heart to donate any amount of money to this cause that I believe in so much that is giving me this opportunity, please visit my personal fundraising page .

Thank you very much for all your love and support.

“Hope is not resignation; it is a commitment to continue to struggle even when things seem to warrant surrender, when hope flares, it allows human beings to overcome monstrous difficulties. It allows people to defy common sense and confound strategists. Hope experienced in the extreme, like faith and love, is miraculous.”

-Daniel Santiago as he writes on the words of Archbishop Oscar Romero in his book “The Harvest of Justice”